Now, I continually suffer from some sort of migraine discomfort. By continually I literally mean 24/7/365. I have had approx 9 symptom free days since Aug .16,2017. Intensity level ranges from a teeny tiny amount of pressure to having the Texas Chainsaw Massacre done to my skull. I have very high pain tolerance. In my former job you had to. I’m talking pain levels high enough to make me lay in bed for several hours crying and using every bit of my self restraint to keep from putting my gun in my mouth to make it stop because my pain pills aren’t getting it.So there’s large bursts of OMG pain occasionally and an almost constant drone of low level that I live with always. You get sick of that. When you stop hurting. You’re afraid to move because it might start again.With my type of Aphasia you transition back and forth from verbal to various states of non verbal. These can scale from almost unnoticeable slight pauses to severe stuttering to jumbled sentence structure to absolute. He had tried this out on me, but I declined to fight back. Afteraround five minutes of subtle and clever abuse his tone suddenlychanged and he became quite charming. Without really knowing why, Ileft with him that night, and so started our brief and miserableaffair. The sex was pretty good, but even in the early days this washardly enough. If I were to be honest with myself I was so lonely thateven a vaguely abusive relationship felt better than none at all.Michael was one of Cassandra's irregular invitees, but never missed oneof her parties when the call came. I have never been the gregarioustype, and the thought of attending another do packed with strangersand, I imagined, society types, filled me with gloom and unease.Actually this is an understatement. I had spent most of my life untilthat time in the grip of a crippling shyness. Maybe this is why Ibecame a writer - it's easier for me to communicate with others whenseparated by time and distance, letting my static words do.
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